Staring into space
Waiting to be remembered
Mobile on the ceiling
Spinning into dust
Walls the separator
White gold strewn on the table
Leaned awkward on the stranger
For whom there is no trust
A plea heard from the distance
Of babbles, a faint scream
Reality that there’s others
A temporary dream
Lost lives are a misfortune
Mistakes, a lesson learned
Withdrawal begs a relapse
Addiction is forewarned
I asked for it
that lustful stare
because my skirt reached just to there
on a hot day where the boys could wear
tank tops
to ease their sweat drops
but my clothes begged their cat calls
their ridicules and sexual glares
but those that heard didn’t care
because
I asked for it
at that party the other night
after me and my boyfriend had a fight
I drank a few more than usual
and left myself in quite the mess
I was depressed
and unaware
completely clueless to his stare or the
moment that he slipped his hands beneath my dress
awoke the next morning, naked
my confidence so much less but
I asked for it
the quick feel to my backside
because I was cursed with curves that show
no matter the fabric of the clothes
and though that bus was far from cramped
he stood behind me
pressed up so close , his breath scratched my skin
and I felt his frustration in his pants
as we crossed the train track
I took two steps forward
he took two steps back
towards me
and the man in the seat three chairs down said nothing
just the awkward glance of pity while I rode through the city
uncomfortable but only because
I asked for it
when no meant yes to him
because I agreed to being intimate but
not the way he wanted it
I cried out for him to stop
it wasn’t right, I shouldn’t hurt
He stuffed my mouth with his shirt
ignored the tears in my eyes as our intimate
date turned into a rape
and he assured me after that “everything was great”
because after all
I asked for it
when my daughter came home in tears
after a classmate made my fears a reality
he dismantled her after she refused his company
in front of his friends
took it upon himself to expose her breast
ripped her shirt from her chest
and with a cocky grin
warned her not to embarrass him again
or he would do her worse because
she asked for it
He forced into me
My mind, my thoughts, my heart
my legs
Felt around every inch inside
Memorizing each thrust of selfish joy
Dry
and depleted of happiness
With nothing left to give
He scavenged, ripping down my walls
Discovering and destroying my center
Drawn blood a bonus, showed signs of rough play
“She can handle rough play”
He whispered, escaping deeper within me
My own voice weakened from unfortunate circles
Pumping
Slamming
Faster until his pleasure succumbed
Crashing on top of me
I can’t breathe
Him gasping in orgasmic glory
“Help”
Beneath his weight, crushing
My breath, slowing
emptied out, a complete void left of me
And he walked away and never returned
neither did I
He stood on the opposite side of the door
Just standing there
A clown in the hallway
Feeling squirmy and chilled with fear
I squeezed and lept back
“I ain’t goin’ near…” slipped as a whisper cause if it’d hear
I’d be over
As, just standing there was
A clown in the hallway
Lighter than down, I stepped on the adjacent tile of the kitchen
A slow frown spread quick at the sound of the metal sliding through the air,
Whooshing inches near my gown, slinging slowly and fair
Because
Just standing there was
A clown in the hallway
That stiffened smile sent chills down my spine
For its way too big to be honest
No one is that happy all of the time
Quick thinking through my mind to find the bravery stored deep in the freezer near fine
As, just standing there was
A clown in the hallway
Calling upon the same heavens I had mocked in the past
I approached the door steady and fast to startle and defeat the cause of my personal cast of nightmares
As, just standing there was
A clown in the hallway
A quick leap forward caused the glass to break as a knife doesn’t do too well against mirrors.
Stop that
Judging me like you know where I come from or what I’ve been through
You’ve got a tale too?
Isn’t that nice
Still doesn’t make it any better to snub your nose at me
Am I trying to get out of this cycle?
Did you really just ask me that?
Do I look like I’m enjoying my bland rice and large water on a nightly basis?
Have you noticed the calluses on my feet showing through the holes where the soles used to be?
Those didn’t form from sitting down
Now move along, as I’ve got to continue trying to break through those impenetrable walls to my riches
Scrubbing with rocks beneath the scalding hot water until my midnight skin broke.
“What are you doing?” a voice asked, curiosity smothered in shock.
“If I can just get the night off my skin, perhaps the others will rid of their hate,” I said scrunching as the steamy hot water rinsed my blood as it would’ve any other’s of any color.
My personal project to help my writer’s block. I will be writing and posting a series of snippets or “scenes” throughout the week in the form of paragraphs or poetry (maybe a couple drawings) to help fuel my literary flow. I hope you find as much pleasure in reading them as I do writing them.
And he said,
“I hate him like a brother. Like- he is annoying as hell and sometimes I want to punch him, but at the end of the day, I’d walk through fire for him.”
His eyes stared at the red hot moon lounging in the sky, another day closing to its end.
