Silencing Her Soul

Just wait

Don’t wait

Listen

Don’t listen

He’s changed

He really hasn’t and you know it

Everyone deserves a second chance

Its his ninth

He didn’t mean it

He swore he did

He kissed my cheek

After he struck it

He holds my heart

He breaks your soul

If I leave he’ll kill me

If you stay you’ll die

He’s my world

He’s your problems

I can’t go

You can’t stay

Help

Help

He’ll find me

I’ve got you

I’m scared and I’m weak

You’re brave and you’re strong

I’m not ready

This isn’t living

But–

Just go

I love him

Just go

I’ll miss him

Just go

I need him

Just go

I can’t

Go

I can’t

Please, go

I’m sorry

Oh, no

Its okay, I forgive him

….

This time will be different

….

Hello?

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Relapse

Staring into space

Waiting to be remembered

Mobile on the ceiling

Spinning into dust

Walls the separator

White gold strewn on the table

Leaned awkward on the stranger

For whom there is no trust

A plea heard from the distance

Of babbles, a faint  scream

Reality that there’s others

A temporary dream

Lost lives are a misfortune

Mistakes, a lesson learned

Withdrawal  begs  a relapse

Addiction is forewarned

 

I Asked For It

I asked for it
that lustful stare
because my skirt reached just to there
on a hot day where the boys could wear
tank tops
to ease their sweat drops
but my clothes begged their cat calls
their ridicules and sexual glares
but those that heard didn’t care
because
I asked for it
at that party the other night
after me and my boyfriend had a fight
I drank a few more than usual
and left myself in quite the mess
I was depressed
and unaware
completely clueless to his stare or the
moment that he slipped his hands beneath my dress
awoke the next morning, naked
my confidence so much less but
I asked for it
the quick feel to my backside
because I was cursed with curves that show
no matter the fabric of the clothes
and though that bus was far from cramped
he stood behind me
pressed up so close , his breath scratched my skin
and I felt his frustration in his pants
as we crossed the train track
I took two steps forward
he took two steps back
towards me
and the man in the seat three chairs down said nothing
just the awkward glance of pity while I rode through the city
uncomfortable but only because
I asked for it
when no meant yes to him
because I agreed to being intimate but
not the way he wanted it
I cried out for him to stop
it wasn’t right, I shouldn’t hurt
He stuffed my mouth with his shirt
ignored the tears in my eyes as our intimate
date turned into a rape
and he assured me after that “everything was great”
because after all
I asked for it
when my daughter came home in tears
after a classmate made my fears a reality
he dismantled her after she refused his company
in front of his friends
took it upon himself to expose her breast
ripped her shirt from her chest
and with a cocky grin
warned her not to embarrass him again
or he would do her worse because
she asked for it

 

Crying Wolf

He forced into me
My mind, my thoughts, my heart

my legs

Felt around every inch inside
Memorizing each thrust of selfish joy
Dry
and depleted of happiness
With nothing left to give

He scavenged, ripping down my walls
Discovering and destroying my center
Drawn blood a bonus, showed signs of rough play
“She can handle rough play”
He whispered, escaping deeper within me
My own voice weakened from unfortunate circles

Pumping

Slamming

Faster until his pleasure succumbed
Crashing on top of me
I can’t breathe
Him gasping in orgasmic glory

“Help”

Beneath his weight, crushing
My breath, slowing
emptied out, a complete void left of me
And he walked away and never returned

neither did I

Clown

He stood on the opposite side of the door

Just standing there

A clown in the hallway

Feeling squirmy and chilled with fear

I squeezed and lept back

“I ain’t goin’ near…” slipped as a whisper cause if it’d hear

I’d be over

As, just standing there was

A clown in the hallway

Lighter than down, I stepped on the adjacent tile of the kitchen

A slow frown spread quick at the sound of the metal sliding through the air,

Whooshing inches near my gown, slinging slowly and fair

Because

Just standing there was

A clown in the hallway

That stiffened smile sent chills down my spine

For its way too big to be honest

No one is that happy all of the time

Quick thinking through my mind to find the bravery stored deep in the freezer near fine

As, just standing there was

A clown in the hallway

Calling upon the same heavens I had mocked in the past

I approached the door steady and fast to startle and defeat the cause of my personal cast of nightmares

As, just standing there was
A clown in the hallway

A quick leap forward caused the glass to break as a knife doesn’t do too well against mirrors.

Crystallizing Moments: iii.

Stop that

Judging me like you know where I come from or what I’ve been through

You’ve got a tale too?

Isn’t that nice

Still doesn’t make it any better to snub your nose at me

Am I trying to get out of this cycle?

Did you really just ask me that?

Do I look like I’m enjoying my bland rice and large water on a nightly basis?

Have you noticed the calluses on my feet showing through the holes where the soles used to be?

Those didn’t form from sitting down

Now move along, as I’ve got to continue trying to break through those impenetrable walls to my riches

Crystallizing Moments: ii.

Scrubbing with rocks beneath the scalding hot water until my midnight skin broke.

“What are you doing?”  a voice asked, curiosity smothered in shock.

“If I can just get the night off my skin, perhaps the others will rid of their hate,” I said scrunching as the steamy hot water rinsed my blood as it would’ve any other’s of any color.