If He Can’t Have Her

Like a fish out of water
he gasps
the air an enemy to his lungs
but more, he needs more
because either way he’s suffocating
and he’ll take it no other way
as the alternative is without her
and there’s just no way its worth it
to survive with her with someone else
someone who isn’t himself
so he gasps again
taking in as much of the toxic air as he can
before staying in the forever memory
of when they were together
a sleep from which he hopes he won’t awake

Assignation

What even is time, but unfair?
A supposed well-deserved title for a forced throne
as I wish merely for the sweet escape of your company
where the background fades to the loudest silence
committed to our moment
the truest adoration hops elegantly from note to note
your pheromones a natural concoction of obsession

Tinder glances beneath the whisps of brown curly curtains
that shield your cocoa eyes, especially from my gaze
while our breath dances together; in sync our lungs respire
We tempt to risk the fates set by Venus for our own temporary delight
thoughts to show up in the light, tip-toe from the shadows
but without a healthy plan, disaster a fortune from the simple

With barely minutes left to spare, a separation nears
Reminders of limits set a neurotic frenzy above my shoulders
and makes a buzzing ring my ears
and when you notice, you always do
another notch in the column of reasons why we should
out-notching the reasons why we won’t
and shall not ever, still

An Abrupt Affair

What is this beauty?
timeless waves of pleasure swirling about the air
tangled in her hair, beneath the subtle thoughts
remorse reminded, and lust prevails
further so when she wraps around my waist
a kiss reveals the taste I love and hate
slaps to my face, the pause,
the weight
she carries on, burdens get buried by beauty
and masked faces to strangers
wolves in sheep’s clothing, the danger
in every right and wrong way that she sways her hips
against mine, calm breaths a lie with each inhale
that the moment was only that

Confession

He sat undaunted, still
his mind too jumbled for walking to ensue
and he couldn’t seem to trust himself
so there, he sat
the black bench, ordinary
but vital to his sanity as of yet
his view of the dewy grass sprawled across the park inspired nil
coffee and breakfast smells sent hungry animals dashing
across the sidewalk near his dark brown shoes
and there, he sat
replaying the look in her eyes
as he said those words, his truths, his mistakes
and as she moved through emotion
so quickly, all the “what? no!’s”
the “I ..don’t think I want to see you right now’s “
and “GET THE FUCK OUT!!’s”…

without a question
he grabbed his coat
unsure why he’d done that, it was summer
but his mind was all confused
because he had to say something,
he had to tell her
something…

right?

Exposed

My secrets kept me warm,
worn tightly knit across my chest and weaved
down from my arms to my feet
words that I’d never speak
And there you were
honey eyes
begging to understand how I am
to tear down my cloak
and replace it with your arms

The fire in your chest amplified
as I slowly stripped
tongue hot
goosebumps perched along my arms
the words came accompanied with tears
mine
and yours
And when my mouth snapped shut
the words faded away

There I sat
nude, exposed
Those honey eyes casting flames
against my pale, cold skin
sparking the heat once again

Common Modifications

Words fly past your ears
to the empty space behind
while your eyes
intend to convince my heart
that it cannot possibly be  how I say, as I say
instead
that I remain a lie
everything about me, for me,
of me
a treacherous untruth concocted to drive you into your personal hell
and all I can do is sink further into myself
and quiet my voice
as it will otherwise go unheard
so
I bury my feelings, my thoughts, and beliefs
until they can no longer breathe or exist
and I become everything you want
to ensure your smile stays
and the smile that I plaster across my face
will cover my tragedy

 

I’ll Stay Until I Can’t

Can I stay
and lose my mind in everything that you are
because it doesn’t take much

At some point you’ll feel it
too, the electricity
lighting up my heart so bright

But it’ll be the end of me
the day you realize your current
wasn’t permanent

Just a temporary jolt
to make you realize that what you really need
what you really want

isn’t me.

When Its Necessary

Like a bitter pill

I swallow the idea

The realization of me without you

And not knowing what to do

Or how to find peace

I engorge on the verbal attacks

Parting is such sweet sorrow

Unless you leave with an angry face

And get yourself into the place

Where all you want to do is go

Anyway

So with a tall drink of water

I’ll take a swig and down the pill

And if you don’t, I know I will

Regret every choice hereafter

The Fight pt. 8

She took another step towards him,
slowly, like the speed of her tears
creeping down her face.
He hobbled backwards.
“Stay away from me,” he snarled
as he fell
back onto the cushions, the suede comfort
a reminder of his uncomfortable betrayal.
“I just-” she began, but paused.
She knew there was nothing she could say,
nothing she could do to fix this,
to fix them.
A quiver to her lip sent a spark to his groin
and as she backed away, all he could imagine
was pulling her closer.

Trust Issues

“It’s all yours,” she said,
her heart torn from her sleeve
and shoved into his hands.
He gave it a gentle squeeze and
she shut her
eyes.
As her breath escaped her pursed lips,
eyelids still sealed,
she whispered
“Don’t kill me.”