An Abrupt Affair

What is this beauty?
timeless waves of pleasure swirling about the air
tangled in her hair, beneath the subtle thoughts
remorse reminded, and lust prevails
further so when she wraps around my waist
a kiss reveals the taste I love and hate
slaps to my face, the pause,
the weight
she carries on, burdens get buried by beauty
and masked faces to strangers
wolves in sheep’s clothing, the danger
in every right and wrong way that she sways her hips
against mine, calm breaths a lie with each inhale
that the moment was only that

Forever Goodnight

Sing me to sleep, mama
way deep down to rest
Pressed against your chest

Sing me to sleep, mama
melodic tones to sway
warming voice while still I lay

Sing me to sleep, mama
wrapped so tight, in blankets plenty
one more minute turns to twenty

Sing me to sleep, mama
ready not to let me go
heartbeat thumps a steady slow

Sing me to sleep, mama

At First Sight

I have had the glorious pleasure of meeting your acquaintance,

and dare I say you’ve struck a chord on the mandolin in my heart;

Unforgettable.

Anxiously, I await the day to once more to be graced with your presence,

Star struck by your benevolent rhythm in the way you walk.

Your glimmering eyes spoke directly to mine, a delicate conversation,

is there really more to be said of obvious perfection;

Undeniable.

Patiently, the days become nights before once more we shall meet,

and I to be reminded by the quickening of my pulse when nearest you again.

Holding Fallacy

One time I caught a lie with my bare hands;
right from her lips, she let it slip.
Still soaking whet, it sliced right through the air,
it was aimed right at me,
and in unnatural instinct
I put up my hands and caught it, mid-strike.
Right through my palms, it pierced me
and embedded my soul, causing an immediate bloody chaos
that ran towards my arms and at the floor;
heavy on ignore, trying to understand
how her fib was physically in my hands.
Actuality a victim of shattered mentality,
fallacy slits the nape of her neck when
she regurgitates and spews each
deception my way,
and in unnatural instinct,
with a bloodied soul and pierced palms,
the glass from the mirror clanged to the floor;
the liar she was,
a liar no more.

Box

I got a box of your things,
express-shipped grief,
that for a while I couldn’t bring myself to open
until I did

And I held your hat in my hands
and stuffed the fabric to my face,
unbothered by the tears that gathered at my chin
because it smelled just like you

I could hear your laugh the harder I squeezed it
and see your smile the longer I closed my eyes
Each time I breathed in, blissful ignorance disrupted
with the reality that you’re not there

Into the memory I tried to climb
into the one where you’re wearing your hat
and laughing so big at my attempts to warn you
how chaotically not fashionable that hat is;
was,
but you love it so much that you wear it anyway
smiling all the while, and me too, because after all, it’s you.

Until slowly my smile faded
while I stared at the memory of you,
while my hands held the proof
and my heart carried the weight
of resonating reminders that you’re still not here
and won’t be any more.

Reconnect

Stop.

stop where you are and reconnect;
what do you hear?
the breeze, the wind?
the blood rushing within?
and what do you smell?
dew evaporating into the clouds?
a hint of Fall and cinnamon?
see, what do you see?
an open armed sky?
the land that holds your feet?
and my love,
lest it be forgotten,
breathe,
take it in;
what do you feel?

now let it out.

Controlled Rage, I Promise

Your list of one-way demands leaves my hands quaking,

aching,

shaking for the fear of life taking,

but a deep breath will have to do,

because I’ll wreck me if I wreck you.

Calling Crows

Crows, crows

that fly in the sky,

if you fair good luck

please fly back by,

if you fair good luck

please stay close, near

If you are a symbol

of those I miss dear

Sorry, I Won’t Make It

The realization that I can’t be there hits like a ton of bricks
A cruel and sudden reality that I expected, no less,
but still literally rocks my core;
so much so that the nausea arises in a violent uproar.

My stomach twists tightly to the left,
writhing itself away from the the direction of the heart-wrench.
But all it really does is make my earlier meal
of water and half a cup of rice race towards the back of my throat
where it sits on escape-ready.

My heart is doing all kinds of nonsense;
skipping beats, racing like Seabiscuit, or even at times stopping all together.
Is it a heart attack?
With the way my luck is going, I could only be so lucky.

But of course, it’s mostly anxiety.
The kind that sends a jumble of words sprinting through my mind;
intrusive and impulsive thoughts alike
frolicking near the execute button,
but I’ve managed control still, somehow.

That’s how I’ve come to find myself lying in the middle of my bedroom floor;
sprawled out like a starfish at the bottom of the ocean.

I’d rather be a starfish.

Please Be A Nightmare

My head is too loud
and it’s going too fast about things
that I don’t want to be real

but what I want doesn’t matter and hasn’t for a while
and that’s been fine until now
and all I can ask for
just this one time
is for it all to be a nightmare

because this can’t be a dream
and even nightmares don’t last forever
at some point the dreamer wakes up in a stupor
with a sweat on their brow, surrounded by their pillows
and the realization that none of it was real
that it was all in their heads
where it belongs, where it should stay
because the way this bad news screams
the way it drowns out every instinctual distraction
and each attempt to compartmentalize these feelings
into the box way in the back
where it’s too dark and dusty to see
and too old to speak or hear
each attempt blocked by the louder voice in my head
shouting to be seen
screaming “this is real”
so loud that its deafening

my heart can feel each syllable of every word
and with every beat, it rips that much more
and I convince myself that if I hold it together just a little longer
I’ll get to the part where none of this were real
and everything will go back to before

and then there’s that incessant noise of truth again
shifting the blood in my veins like the waves in a storm
clashing against my skin
sending me into a dizzy mess within myself
shushing the thunderous voice in my head
as I gasp for air
and beg for this all to be a nightmare