Am I the victim if I let him abuse me?

Gave ultimatums and prayed that he would choose me

Night after night he would scream, yell and then bruise me

But I still loved him and that part always confused me

Wore things he liked so that he’d want to pursue me

He’d often swear that he’d die if he’d ever lose me

And then we’d fight and he’d find reasons to accuse me 

Then buy me flowers, he always knew just how to woo me

His punching bag became his favourite way to use me

My swollen lips I’d just accepted as the new me

It all got worse as he started to black and blue me

Told me he’d put me somewhere no one could ever view me

Fear outweighed love and the rage, it overthrew me

I forced his gun to my head, urged him to shoot me

He put his hands around my neck and then he threw me

Against the floor, I cried no more as he ran through me

Life left my eyes, free from myself, I was a new me

Soul to the sky, he watched me die and whispered to me

“It’s all your fault, I would have stopped if you refused me”

Am I the victim if I let him abuse me?


Fatal Liason

It’s not easy to disguise
the black and blue beneath my eyes
Contusions trailing from my cheekbone
to the bottom of my thighs
From when he grabs me
I can’t explain his outrageous passion
That’s what he calls his aggressive fashion
When I’ve curled myself into a ball on the floor
in the corner as the furniture goes crashing
Deep down I’ll sink into the darkness of the room
Free falling through nostalgic gloom
And then I’ll feel the stinging blow
against my flesh, the fights resumed
But he’s “not angry”
He screams he loves me as his hand
reaches for the weapon in his pants
And for a moment I’m relieved
But yet no one will understand
that this is what I’ve prayed for
He takes his aim and down I flop
I feel my heart rate start to drop
With my final breath my eyes shut tight
Willing my last tears to stop
It’s finally over

* If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, pleaseĀ callĀ 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or click here for help.*