Mayday, Mayday

Amid the debris he lay
Frank Miller, nothing more
Straining to recall the moments from before
but he
could only see the spotty haze
smell the burning oil and hot metal
yet somehow he could feel nothing

He turned his head to the side
in the space where he lay sprawled
and called out over the rising smoke
Still without clear vision
he spoke
and received no response

Fear in its trickery
slipped into his mind
panic to the limbs
He flailed his arms around the rubble
grasping at what he could
holding onto what would
turn out to be the handle of a suitcase

The reminder sent the pain
through his body:
He was on a plane

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Unforgiving Exit

I let it slide down the centre of my wrist
a bloody escape of pressure built up for years
finally evident across the bathroom linoleum
I wanted to cry but could only muster a whimper
The sparkling velvet droplets of my life crawled down my arm
faster and faster as the seconds melted by
I couldn’t feel their tickle but I imagined it
as they left a crimson trail towards my elbow
A fatigue washed over me, heavy
but I swear I felt more alive than ever
A reel of memories streamed on the door across
the green scruffy towel I used every morning
I watched my six year old self blow out the candles
on my piano shaped cake
My mom was still there, and dad was happy again
I felt my throat tighten and lose its moisture
but the reels played on
So I watched
Stared at myself giggling behind the curtain as
my mother’s boisterous voice granted me
the best “hidder” in Hide and Seek
It skipped to my father sitting at the table
surrounded by papers, hands on his head
he was crying now
and mom, where was mom?
I felt a sting coming from my arms
I looked away from my past and
down at the present, where my arms poured
my life onto the floor
My breaths were shaky as the feeling of
regret pushed itself into question
I let my eyes close for a second
only to see my parents standing in front of me
smiling at me, telling me its all okay
They pulled me into a hug
and I swear I felt it
The warmth embrace of their arms
and I didn’t want to let them go
So
I didn’t


*Please note, I am fine-this was written from old feelings of an old memory/multiple experiences.

However, if you or anyone you know struggles with depression, suicidal thoughts, or self-harm, please talk with someone.

Affliction in the Alley

Just as I’ve made you, I’ll break you

he promised in her memory playing on loop

there she stood

back alley damp from a sweating sky as the nameless man from the bar tugged at the lace beneath her dress

as he pried her thighs apart, her eyes shut tight

the reel of fights sped through her mind

his fist plowing towards her face as he held her firm by the neck

breath full of boos and heart filled with coal, he’d name call

shameful how he’d blame her for all of his downfalls

You’re good for nothing…Nothing!

“…feels so good,” croaked the unfamiliar voice interrupting her past

His rapid bumping a sign of presence

her feelings lay mute

Numb

 

 

 

 

Crystallizing Moments: viii.

Come on
You’re doing it again
Letting him talk to you like that
You’re not useless
And you are beautiful
Toughen up that inner ninja
You promised you wouldn’t let it happen like this again
No more excuses for him
No more stocking up on bandages and peroxide, telling yourself it’s just for the first aid kit
The bruises are there,
Overthrowing your heart,
and now you’re living on fear and pain
You can’t do that anymore
You promised

You promised.

Love Me Tender

Crush me good, baby

I like how it hurts

When my flesh breaks beneath your knuckles

And swells blue in protest

Burn me good, honey

Drag my name through the mud

Spread your lies like my legs

Though you lack my consent

Push me good, sweetie

Further away from all I know

Isolate my mind

And ensure no one can help

Kill me good, darling

Dress me with your finest ring

I’ll wear  it proud around my neck

Until my eyes seal close forever

Agony Knows No Mercy

Tucked neat beneath my bosom
my little pea
coddled by the wind, we sway
its true
the instant you existed, I burst with breath
oxygen filled my lungs and coiled around my throat
and I expelled
with no conditions
a sob of acceptance for my reason of being
and here we sit amidst the bed of soil
evil in its patience
awaiting my loosened embrace
to lay you to your final rest

Literary Clique

A group of various poems that I feel are too short for their own post, so I jammed them all in one.

[1]. “What can I do
to become relevant again?”
I ask to my audience of zero,
as I find myself alone once more.

[2]. She had the frame that shook the world with envy
Eyes more furtive than a true magician
And when strangers approached her rather gently
She’d slice their throats and store them in her kitchen

[3]. No, he doesn’t know that I haven’t been sure for a while
And he won’t if its left up to me
I haven’t the heart to tell him
that I’m not who I used to be.

[4]. Splattering the room like a pot of dropped water,
the blood pours from the gaping wound atop the left of my breast
I don’t feel the maggots nestling beneath my aortic valves
To feel would imply that I am not numb
When I’ve been drunk on pain for as long as I can remember

[5]. They’ll look, they’ll stare as if I’m on display
though I’m merely strolling the sidewalks of the city
“Did you see that?” they’ll laugh as they turn to walk away
Oblivious that my differences make me feel pretty

[6]. Cobwebs in the afternoon trap my nightmares
Feasted on the spiders of the day
Catching flies in payment of our timeshare
A deal made when the devil comes to play

[7]. I’ll grab you by the neck in a cold attempt
to finish you
Your body, stiff, and doesn’t expect a polite
conversation
We’ll engage, there’s no time for introductions
Throwing your hat to the floor, your jugular sweat
running down the tips of my fingers
I force you towards my face
With no resistance from you,
and down your suds without a hint of regret.
A satisfying belch and a slammed fist to the table
signifies to your keeper that I’m ready for another.
“Another brewski, will ya?”