Bad Love

I was supposed to scream stop
but I didn’t
My voice wouldn’t come out because I knew you
or I thought I did
Before your fingers found my throat and wrapped around me like a coat
I was sure you’d be the father to my kid
or at least you were supposed to be
But I didn’t tell you about it because that night you came home
higher than a sky scraper
And pulled me out of bed
shoved my shirt over my head
and stole my choices from me
Ripped my heart apart like paper
and my legs
The next day I did the thing I can’t say
because for once I caught a glimpse of what the future might hold
It was clear I had to get away
The tears and the blood flowed evenly for days
and you made that comment about PMS
Threw a chocolate bar at my face
and told me to stay away
until I was useful again
My womb leaked down my legs from unborn innocence
while your lust drove you mad
Raunchy comments and crude jesters made me more than uncomfortable
But it didn’t matter as long as the sex was had
for you at least
I didn’t know it could hurt to hate someone I thought I loved
The anger was there in small doses but I’d gotten used to your punches and your shoves
Finally mustered up some liquid courage
to slur out my demands
that I was done catching the blows After you sucked that powder up your nose
you laughed and said I’d need a man
eventually anyway
and that I wasn’t going anywhere
Remember the night I packed?
You grabbed my bags right out of my hands and threw them across the room along with my body
but I still left anyway
Crept down the stairs, scared and bruised
and embraced the December wind without a sweater because you hid it that day
And I cried hard that night because I thought I missed you
because I thought I knew that those were things you wouldn’t do

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