Swallowing My Providence

Bertha was an overweight beast of a woman who had the habit of deflecting her insecurities on me.
“Hey tubby,” she called out at my then bony frame from the mountain of extra salted potato chips embarking the journey around her loosely hung tent of a T-shirt, “why don’t you make use of yourself and grab me a diet coke from the fridge.”
And though I would indulge in the irony of her request to help her wash down all 9000 calories she had just consumed with a diet sugar filled soda whilst loafing in her vomit green, coffee stained recliner chair,  I relished the day that this would all be a memory. After I’d safely retreated back to my room, I laid back on my bed and ventured into reverie.
Being adopted was hard to face. The assumption that I was an impending burden to my birth parents often took a toll on my confidence, more than often for the worse. With puberty brewing amongst my loins, and the awkward teen angst that devoured me overnight seducing me with its torn, denim, bleach washed jeans and Smells Like Teen Spirit anthems, I had entered a state of oblivion. I wallowed on the words Bertha had mentioned to me over our dinner of deep-fried burritos coupled with re-fried yellow rice and cheese & bacon stuffed meat balls a few nights back.
“Tubby,” she teased as she shoved a giant wad of rice into her cavernous crater of a mouth, “eat up. Your bones are starting to show.” I pushed on one of the meatballs with the tip of my fork sending out an unforeseen puddle of grease onto the rim of my plate. I frowned.  Still feeling a bit clever at the creation of her new nickname for me and the overplayed joke on my small figure, she took another shot. “Tubby,” she cackled, “would it help if I blind folded ya’?” Her laugh was heinous and obnoxious. I watched as crumbs of meat leaped from her mouth in a last-minute effort to escape their fate entrapped in the belly of the beast. When she had finally calmed, she washed the lingering bits of food down her throat with a big gulp of diet coke, and glared at me. “Ya know,” she started as she grabbed her fork in preparation to victimize the remaining half of burrito on her plate, “a lotta kids ain’t as lucky as you to have a parent.” She watched herself cut a piece of chicken covered in cheese and tortilla and stabbed it with her fork. “At least you got me, and even though I ain’t much or that great, at least ya got somebody,” she finished before ramming her forkful of food into her gaping mouth.
She was right. Though I couldn’t stand how she talked to me nor her lack of care for herself, I did have someone. She chose me and would even sometimes mention something about loving me even if I did “disappear sometimes when I turned sideways”. She was my mom; my beast of a mother and I loved her, flaws and all. A tap on my door startled me back into the present. “Hey tubby, dinners ready,” Bertha said from the other side. I smiled.


6 thoughts on “Swallowing My Providence

  1. Hello. This piece is quite good and I really like your writing. This is the first of your blog I have read. With complete respect to you I would like to make a comment.. I DO realize that this is a story (unless it actually is true). I see overweight people portrayed this way a lot. In many cases, a person is indeed this way because of overeating. But more often than you might suppose, overweight people actually eat a very normal diet, even less than most. These people are suffering from medical conditions that make them gain weight through absolutely no fault of their own. Also, many who overeat do so because of abuse, stress, or other factors and are people who need a lot of love and understanding to help them heal, rather than being ridiculed by an ignorant general populace. Many of these remarks toward the overweight are just the result of how they have repeatedly seen them portrayed in the media. I don’t want this to detract in any way from your fine writing, which I like. It is just that the whole overweight issue is sometimes terribly misunderstood by the general public. Please do not think that I am taking offense at this particular piece. I look forward to reading more of your work!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kind sir, I highly appreciate your viewpoints (which are indeed correct!). The characters in this particular piece are based on true events and conversations (with just a slight twist on it being adoption), but otherwise do not represent my viewpoints/opinions on those on the heavier side! You’ll come to notice that I have a tendency to write from many vantage points, this one coincidentally coinciding with a preconceived stereotype, but worry not! I’ve already drafted a couple of writings from the opposite angle that I hope you will also be able to enjoy! Please don’t hesitate to be have and voice opinions and concerns on my work! I enjoy the conversation, criticisms and I value your viewpoint! Thanks for reading and I appreciate your honesty and awesomeness!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Since it turns out to be based on true events, that does slightly alter my opinion on the piece itself, however I still stand by the comments in relation to the social stigma surrounding fat. Thank you for your response, and I expect to read a lot more of your work!

        Liked by 1 person

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