Hard Conversations

He could taste the sadness on her lips. His desperate attempt to make eye contact caused her to pull away. Everything he had known himself to be suddenly all felt fictitious, something perhaps he had dreamed up in hopes of curing his own insecurities. In some way, maybe he’d known all along, but naivety has a strong pull on a fragile mind.

“This is in no way a reflection on you,” he pleaded to her. She still wouldn’t look at him. Instead, she had completely turned her back towards him and began to sob. This didn’t anger him. In fact, he understood every reaction she was having and would have for the next few days, for it was the same way he had reacted to himself. There were mornings when he’d wake up and couldn’t bear to look at himself in the mirror. Nights when he could only sleep after hours of crying first, battling in his mind with absolute truths and long existing denials. It was no easy feat.

He spoke to her back.

“You are the most amazing woman I have ever come to know.” He fought back the tears trying to storm from his eyes. ” And it is because of your constant encouragement and motivation to be myself that I’ve been able to be so honest with myself…and that is why I feel- why I know I must be honest with you.”

She whipped around, her eyes tinged with redness and a surprising smile on her face, and kindly took both his hands in hers.

“I am not angry,” she whispered, her eyes finally agreeing to dance with his own. “I am sad to lose the love of my life,” her voice cracked, ” but am happy to have gained your absolute trust and a new start to a friendship that will last a lifetime.”

The walls holding back his tears broke and he began to wail. They embraced each other, consoling and reassuring each other that everything would be okay, happy to have one another in their lives.
After a few minutes, they pulled away, both of them wiping their emotions from their faces with the backs of their hands.

“Well, what now?” she sniffed, adjusting her crooked sweater and glancing up to his glistening eyes.
He exhaled and raised his brow.
“I have to tell my parents.”
“Oh,” she said a little worried. “Any idea what you’re going to say?”
A little smile showed on his face, relief of self acceptance finally sinking in.
“Mom and dad, I’m gay.”

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